I'm on a high low. I know it comes and goes. This is also led up by a pile up of negativity, emotion, contradictions, and things I lack.
I left for nightshift without even having dinner at home. Made my way to the mrt station on foot. Walked passed the park, the upcoming building of adorable green, then on through Yishun reservoir through north point down the escalator and voila in the cooling train now. Along the way I always take time to reflect... On life on situations on things I should have done said or shouldn't have taken any action what do ever....
I felt low although not as low as times I've cried my walking journey home. Today was the opposite direction plus I had no energy to generate tears I assume that is true...
Along the way, backto that, couples held hands, foreigners and locals alike... People smiling into their phones obviously loving the company on the other line... And I guess it's just I never had that....
The girl on the train opposite my seat is reading the alchemist. Tempted to tell her it's a good book. Reminds me of the whole universe and it's conspiracy once again. I believe it to an extent... I wanted to visit London pretty badly when I was a teen.... And then HHT happened. SICU happened NICU followed. Neuro scan, head surgeries, CT scans, MRIs, Angiograms... One month antibiotic infusion, carrying that pouch that hourly infuses the antibiotic into me.... Then news of me needing another head surgery... The abccess in the brain collected again and solution was to tube it. Which I carry in me till today almost 7 years ago, memories are interestingly remembered in a 3rd person figure....
I'm just saying whats on my mind, I want that other shadow next to mine. I want that hug when I need it and even when I don't need it.... I want you and I don't wanna wait any longer.... Sadly it's only me that is thinking this way....
Signing off now abt 3 stops away from work.... Till I conjure up words for the post.....
No comments:
Post a Comment