my nephew

Its October Baby :)

I am so glad its nearing the end of October. My sis is due this month end and i will be waiting to be a proud aunt :)

still 26 and very much single myself.

today I got awarded the EgCC award for july-sept :)

yay!!

What I want and need to put first

I'm on a high low. I know it comes and goes. This is also led up by a pile up of negativity, emotion, contradictions, and things I lack.

I left for nightshift without even having dinner at home. Made my way to the mrt station on foot. Walked passed the park, the upcoming building of adorable green, then on through Yishun reservoir through north point down the escalator and voila in the cooling train now. Along the way I always take time to reflect... On life on situations on things I should have done said or shouldn't have taken any action what do ever....

I felt low although not as low as times I've cried my walking journey home. Today was the opposite direction plus I had no energy to generate tears I assume that is true...

Along the way, backto that, couples held hands, foreigners and locals alike... People smiling into their phones obviously loving the company on the other line... And I guess it's just I never had that....

The girl on the train opposite my seat is reading the alchemist. Tempted to tell her it's a good book. Reminds me of the whole universe and it's conspiracy once again. I believe it to an extent... I wanted to visit London pretty badly when I was a teen.... And then HHT happened. SICU happened NICU followed. Neuro scan, head surgeries, CT scans, MRIs, Angiograms... One month antibiotic infusion, carrying that pouch that hourly infuses the antibiotic into me.... Then news of me needing another head surgery... The abccess in the brain collected again and solution was to tube it. Which I carry in me till today almost 7 years ago, memories are interestingly remembered in a 3rd person figure....

I'm just saying whats on my mind, I want that other shadow next to mine. I want that hug when I need it and even when I don't need it.... I want you and I don't wanna wait any longer.... Sadly it's only me that is thinking this way....

Signing off now abt 3 stops away from work.... Till I conjure up words for the post.....

Can't take it anymore

Call me weak jealous sensitive but I can't help it. I always thought you would be my escape! Save me from here save me from me in a way. But this has been dragging to long don't you think. I'm suppose to be a mother now. I'm suppose to be really truly love by my significant other. I'm 25, 26 in a months time. I have a career ladder to climb, a degree to achieve, driving license to accomplish yet no love to fight for nor courage to endure criticism. All I have is my disease and my tube, my heart, my procrastinating brain with abscess, lungs with avms and luckily some faith in my belief of Guruji. You see, I'm a Sikh after all ...I'm a woman too in need of love more than sex. Wanting to be married to you. But I guess it's not all the time that your first becomes your last. Sadly I've really loved you SA. Guess I'm not the one.... I hope we find ours. I wished I was yours.


Phk
Apparently no ones

I'm a Woman too

I have simple desires too
I yearn to be a part of you
I want to nurture a part of me too
I rarely expect
I wait and ponder instead

I want a life
I don't ask of it to be easy
I know together we can make it
I want you to love me too

I want to be missed
I want a chance
I want that love
I don't want to envy people
I want to write my own story, chapter by chapter

I crave for such comfort
I am simply a woman, with good ethics, with a good heart
I do not wish harm onto others

I deserve my happiness
I have earned it....
I hope you can see it

how does it work?

How does someone become of importance. Its contradicting I would assume that an incident whether it has occurred or yet too, can infact deter the mindset of a certain individual. Or perhaps they lack the sense of sensitivity itself. Egoistic, gloomy or any such personality traits. Interesting indivicuals i shall presume. An event could have would have or could have develop drastic changes, and some people, rather smart of them, have used circumstances to their favor.

I would say I had mt chance, I believe in different things and it may take me abit longer to achieve my goals. but I will get there.

WJKK WJKF